and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
