i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
