Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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