i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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