i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
