you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
