I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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