so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
