i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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