It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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