just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bring money and cleavage
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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