Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
