Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
