just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
