I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dicks are not precious.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
