watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
