There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
