I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
