I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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