my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
