so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
