in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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