the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
