Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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