Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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