I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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