Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
