Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
