I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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