Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
