What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
