all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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