Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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