Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
