You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
