Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
