she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
