Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
