Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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