do herpes really smell.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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