You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
