I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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