this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
