every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
