Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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