dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
