my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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