you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
