I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
