I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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