Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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